Welcome, Uncle Sam, New Homeowner!

Dear Uncle Sam,

We are grateful that you have offered to cough up a trillion or so bucks to buy our homes, and quite a lot of bad paper (debt) along with the homes. The property may be a little shabby, in need of repair, since we had to pack and move quickly, when the money ran out and the bank shut us down. The venetian blinds need cleaning, and the basement, oh God, I don't want to think about it. It's filthy. But by all means, let's put our tax dollars to work! My tax dollars, actually, but who's counting?

I'm curious about what you're going to do with your new acquisitions. You'll need to recover your "investment" somehow, but since no one has a lot of money now -- bad economy, you know -- who's going to buy them? And at deeply discounted prices? I know, the market will rebound, yada yada. I suppose China's got lots of cash floating around, or maybe Saudi Arabia or Korea. But do they really want a lot of beat-up properties? 

Then there's the bad-paper issue. I suppose this means you've become the Debt Collection Agency of last resort. Ugly business. Threatening phone calls made to people who are trying to avoid talking to you. Mostly they have no money to give you. And the ones who have money will be holding onto it for dear life. But let's be optimistic: It's paper with potential! When people have money to repay the debt, I'm sure they'll be happy to repay, uh, the debt, hmm, well, maybe they'll be bankrupt by then. 

Here's a thought: hold onto that paper. Stash it in a back bedroom in your new home, wait awhile -- and maybe those  folks in Dubai will take it off your hands.